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Fear of Flying

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Does a fear of flying mean you’ll be restricted to a holiday in the UK again this year? Fear of flying is an excessive worry of air travel and knowing that air travel is one of the safest methods of travelling does little to reassure those that suffer from fear of flying and many avoid flying at all costs.

This avoidance can affect people both professionally, avoiding air travel for business and personally, as family trips or visiting loved ones abroad seems impossible. It is thought that over 10% of the population suffer from fear of flying.

If you do, know that you are not alone.

Possibly you used to travel by air quite comfortably and have developed a fear of flying over time, this is common and often in women happens after having children.

People who have a fear of flying usually fall into one of two groups;

  • Those for whom the fear is concerned with the aircraft itself, fearing a fault, bad weather, terrorism or turbulence.
  • Those  who fear a loss of control. This could be because of fear of an anxiety attack, being trapped in a confined space, losing control of emotions or of bodily functions, all in public.

The fear can also develop alongside anxiety, often anxious people avoid leaving environments they consider to be safe, a type of avoidance strategy.

If you are suffering from anxiety therefore, fear of flying can happen alongside fear of travel of other sorts, and is especially linked to avoiding situations where escape is difficult, impossible or embarrassing.

I see a lot of anxiety clients who also fear being stuck in a car, on a motorway for example, in a traffic jam. Even fear of meetings at work, anywhere where you don’t feel in control.

It’s all normal with anxiety.

It could also be simply a specific phobia, just around flying.

For some, just the thought of flying may cause increased anxiety or a panic attack. A fear of flying could be linked to other psychological problems such as post-traumatic stress disorder, claustrophobia or a fear of heights.

Even the language around flying can be worrying ‘terminal’, ‘final call’ – none of this is particularly comforting.

If your fear of flying is holding you back from exploring the world, visiting family or expanding your career horizons there are a number of ways in which you can begin to help yourself:

  • Relaxation exercises – spending just a small amount of time each day relaxing can help to reduce levels of anxiety.
  • Breathing exercises – taking a few deep ‘belly’ breaths can help to calm you. Shallow breathing, which we do when we’re nervous can make you feel jittery and light headed.
  • Learning about how planes actually work -there are courses available that teach you about the outside and inside of a plane and lots of information regarding the countless hours of training that pilots, co-pilots and flight attendants have to go through before flying, not to mention the contingency plans in place.

There is help for you, lots of psychotherapy techniques can help, systematic desensitisation, hypnosis to explore the subconscious threat, some NLP techniques.

If you need help, you can contact me here to ask questions, discuss and make a start on being free.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pet Grief

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Losing a beloved pet is emotionally shattering; it is natural to be overwhelmed by feelings of sadness when you suffer from pet grief.

There is nothing to prepare you for the loss or the cyclone of feelings that follow the death of a Pet who was a loving companion. Pet grief can feel simply devastating.

Many people see their pets as a member of the family. They can bring so much joy, love, fun and companionship to our lives that it can feel as if your world has been turned upside and emptied out when a pet dies.

Pet grief is the price we pay for love.

 

Experiencing loss is, sadly, an inevitable part of pet ownership, however, there are helpful and healthy ways to help you to cope with pet grief.

  • Grief is personal to you, there is no right or wrong way to feel when you’re suffering from pet grief, so don’t be ashamed of how you feel.
  • Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel, including yourself. Allow yourself to feel angry or sad without any judgement.
  • Hold a funeral if you want to – ignore those who disagree or think it’s inappropriate; do what is right for you.
  • Look after yourself and your other pets who may be distressed from the loss of their companion and /or your sorrow. Increasing their exercise and playtime will benefit them and also help to lift your outlook.
  • Try to eat properly, get enough sleep and take some exercise. Paying attention to your emotional and physical needs will help you as you go through this difficult time. Exercise will help to boost your mood, no matter how little you feel like doing it.
  • Speak to someone who has experienced the loss of a beloved pet – it may be that family members and friends simply don’t understand how important your pet was to you. It can hurt terribly when someone devalues your loss.
  • Talking to someone who appreciates how huge your loss is and what pet grief feels like will probably help more than trying to explain it to someone who hasn’t known the companionship and love that a pet can provide.

This is a time to be gentle with yourself and don’t forget that there is an abundance of support and professional help if you need it.

 

There is no need to suffer pet grief by yourself.

 

Anxious thoughts

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Anxious thoughts can be a problem when self-reflection gets out of hand and becomes negative rumination.

As a health professional I accept that the Mental Health Foundation place this issue as a cause of anxiety and depression.

In 2013 the University of Liverpool published a study that  said that rumination (a word for constant repetitive thinking or dwelling that comes from the action in cows of chewing the cud) far from being a player in the most common mental health issues, is the largest predictor.

So what does this mean for us? It means that when we dwell on things, not only do our thoughts tend to spiral downwards but that can lead us to poor mental health.

This will come as no surprise to therapists, but the extent may. Most therapists see the link between persistent negative thought and self-blame and anxiety and depression, but as a causative factor?

It also means that psychological issues can lead to problems at a mental health level. Replaying thoughts over and over again makes us sad and anxious.

There is also evidence that rumination is at play in OCD and eating disorders, in fact anywhere our negative thoughts are stuck on repeat, we find the potential for problems.

So… what can we do about it?

Well firstly, we can learn to relax. Relaxation is often the key in early therapy to opening up the space into which the client can grow and change can be made.

Think about the amount of time that anxious thoughts or worried thoughts take up, or as some say, the amount of space they rent in your head. With all that time and energy freed up, what would you be able to do?

After that, we can look at the sense of threat that generally underpins anxiety, often being able to identify that threat can help us move forward to explore it and perhaps re-frame it or find ways to cope with it.

Please don’t think that anxious thoughts, constant thought repetition or rumination are something that you have to ‘put up with’ or suffer. If you need help to overcome these patterns, then please reach out to a professional.

 

 

Tinnitus relief

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Tinnitus relief is a subject close to my heart and one that I am passionate about.

This week I have been invited to present and advise again at the Bolton Tinnitus Support Group which is a truly wonderful organisation. They help tinnitus sufferers to cope with the symptoms and the difficulties that often come along with the diagnosis.

It will be no surprise that people with tinnitus can get anxious and depressed, but it may be a surprise to know that these three issues can be chicken and egg. One thing is certain though, that tinnitus is a subjective issue which is sensitive to mood.

It’s similar to pain in that way, a subjective perception which is worse at some times and less so at others. Often when the person is distracted or absorbed (what psychology calls ‘flow state’) then the symptoms are less noticeable.

In therapy we can access states of relaxation which we call ‘resource states’. When someone is relaxed, they can’t be anxious at the same time so accessing such a state of relaxed being is an early aim of tinnitus relief.

After that, then ‘anchoring’ the resource state can allow the person to bring on that feeling of relaxation when needed by triggering a subconscious memory of it. In times of stress, this is an empowering tool for the client.

It’s often about learning to manage the symptoms and that has behavioural elements of environment and thought as well as wider elements of meaning and perception.

All of these layers of the onion, we can work on peeling in the therapy room, working towards finding your peace.

The feeling of being worn down by the tinnitus is something I also often hear and this is what can lead to low mood. Again, in therapy relief can be gained by re-framing and building emotional resilience.

If you want to discuss further then, please contact me from my website Talking-Cure

Bolton mental health update

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Bolton mental health update is a quick look back over the last 5 years since I moved back to Bolton.

Although not from there, I went to Bolton School so I made friends and connections in the town. When Talking Cure was set up it was my aim to provide specialist expert psychotherapy and hypnotherapy based in the town.

As a UKCP psychotherapist, CNHC hypnotherapist and psychologist, I take self-referrals, GP referrals and clients from BUPA and other major insurers. It’s been an interesting and enjoyable five years and I think it’s interesting to take a snapshot as to what Boltonians seem to struggle with most, hence the idea for a Bolton mental health update came about.

As you might expect worry, anxiety, generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) and panic attack issues are high on the list. It isn’t surprising, we live ever more frantic lives, ever faster, more information and more pressure.

When perceived demands are greater than perceived ability to cope then we can slip into anxious thought patterns. If left untreated, these can worsen and may lead to depression. Many of the clients I see need some help to re-frame their lives or challenges.

Teaching them to relax and building self-esteem and emotional resilience lie at the heart of treatment. The interesting thing about anxiety is that it is impossible to be anxious and relaxed at the same time.

If you can learn to switch on relaxation you can switch off anxiety.

From there, in therapy, we work to examine the reasons behind the negative thought patterns in the first place. Using a selection of techniques and psychological interventions, often with hypnosis, a change happens.

So, if I was asked to give you one thing that troubles the mental health of Bolton, I would say anxiety underpins most issues.

My own experience with panic attacks and anxiety is what led me to learn to help others. Now I specialise in anxiety and offer therapy face to face and online, partnering with some charities to improve reach.

I’ll keep you posted as to how things develop.

Best

Stuart

 

 

 

 

self-esteem

Caffeine panic

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Caffeine panic – about 10 years ago now I cut caffeine from my diet.

Apart from a three day headache there seemed little effect at the time but I did it because I believed it would make things calmer in the long run, and on reflection, it did.

Although I can’t remember the hour or the day things felt different, they do.

It’s conspicuous by its absence caffeine.

Most people ingest a couple of hundred milligrams of this stimulant each day. The jury is out on what are the best levels, but as with many things, I think it depends on the individual.

For the anxious, it can make things a lot worse, and the anxious individual’s sensitivity is heightened.

This happens because caffeine mimics panic symptoms, it can make you jittery, nervous, filled with dread, irritable and restless. Caffeine can actually induce panic attacks.

Caffeine panic – It was this feeling of empty uneasiness and restlessness that I wondered about, and what had been causing it.

That’s the feeling that years later I no longer carry around with me.

Some symptoms of a Panic Attack include sweating, fast or irregular heartbeat, difficulty breathing, digestive issues. Also, it can bring on a feeling of dread, unreality, pins and needles, even chest pain. (APA, 2014)

Guess what? Caffeine can cause fast or irregular heartbeat, diarrhoea, racing thoughts, fast breathing, nausea, sweating… you get the picture, I’m sure.

Caffeine stimulates the central nervous system, the most commonly used psychoactive drug in the world. This is why we pay so much for it in Starbucks. It makes you alert, keeps you awake.

It can be natural or synthetic and is found in some unlikely foods and drinks, so if you are worried about caffeine panic and are anxious, then perhaps look at your consumption of chocolate, coffee, cola, tea and medicines and start to see where it is (Lucozade anyone?).

Are you struggling with anxiety, panic or stress levels?

Maybe have a look at whether that pick-me-up little helper is actually a part of the issue

 

Workplace Bullying

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Workplace bullying.

The impact of workplace bullying increases stress, anxiety and depression. It can have a major effect on home life and take a toll on relationships too.

Bullying in the workplace and uncomfortable work situations can cause upset and turbulence at home. As a result stress levels rise, sleep is disturbed, symptoms of anxiety and depression increase.

Maybe it’s difficult to discuss work related issues at home because:

  • You may convince yourself that you can hide your feelings from your partner.
  • The bully has made you feel responsible for the situation and you don’t want to share your experiences.
  • You feel that your partner will not be supportive and as a result will probably blame you for bringing the situation on yourself.

It is very likely that increased stress and anxiety from workplace bullying will bring about a noticeable personality change and your partner will realise that something is wrong.

  • Frayed temper due to worry and bottled up feelings may mean that bullying in the workplace causes you to lash out at those around you.
  • There may be financial worries hence making you feel lucky to have a job at all.

Your partner could be incredibly supportive and help fight with you end the bullying. Finding out that a loved one is suffering bullying in the workplace is upsetting, especially if it has been kept secret.

Emotional health and personal relationships may be under enormous strain due to bullying in the workplace increased stress, anxiety and depression.

It’s really important to look after you

  • Keeping a diary will serve as a written account of events and also help you express how you’re feeling.
  • Taking some time off work may help you feel calmer. Don’t feel guilty about doing this; bullying in the workplace is not acceptable.
  • Listen to your body, it is speaking to you. It may be worthwhile booking a check-up with your GP.
  • Exercise is proven to release stress and anxiety and need not be expensive. A swim, walk or bike ride are all great stress relievers
  • Talk to a UKCP therapist (had to slip it in somewhere)

Fearing Anxiety

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Fearing Anxiety comes from how we shape reality. Our focus determines our reality, change the focus and as a result, change the reality.

You see,  your fear can  distort your reality. When we focus on avoiding uncertainty, we skew our logic, taking anything over dreaded uncertainty.

The good news is that you can create your reality.

Fearing anxiety makes the things you dread seem like things you know. We assume rather than reasoning.

As therapists, one word we use for this is ‘Awfulising’.

Fearing anxiety changes uncertainty from possibility to threat. The fear of fear works its way deep inside and prevents us from critical balanced thinking, often when we need that ability most. It blurs our ability to think rationally with emotion, The Chimp in our minds is in charge.

Fear can also make you inactive when there is an opportune moment, becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

This is a fictional version of the world born of and bred by fear, but it isn’t always the reality.

Confronting fearing anxiety behaviour within ourselves is key to relief from it and here are some useful tools:

Identifying assumptions  helps, what is real and what is assumed on the basis of the fear?

When is the poisoned parrot on your shoulder feeds negativity into your ears, silence it.

Are you rationalising? justifying? projecting beliefs onto unrelated situations, or simply making excuses?

Do you notice yourself jumping to conclusions while stuck in those familiar shortcuts to them?

Are you seeing fiction as truth?

Are you thankful for what you do have, or struggling because you’re counting curses rather than blessings? Can you identify the difference between your strengths and your weaknesses, and can you live with your weaknesses?

Can you let go of your pain or are you identified by yourself (or others) due to it?

Are you building your own reality from guesses and maybe untruths, or your fears?

Most importantly, what are you missing out on?

Hypnotherapy and Psychotherapy aren’t magic wands, they’re spades, hard work in therapy challenges the above.

You as client do a job and so does the therapist, if the therapeutic relationship is strong then results are best when the right therapist, right client and right time coincide.

Using the questions above, and with professional focused help, you can identify the negative patterns in your thinking and begin work to check them out, perhaps challenge them…

… and maybe change them.

 

 

 

 

Anxiety Support Bolton

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Anxiety Support Bolton is a resource to help understand anxiety from experiences and feedback of clients in Bolton whose anxiety I work with. See other resources here.

Perhaps a sense of interior discomfort or a feeling that their bodies are troubled by physical warning signs, it leads to the same outcome.

In trying to gain control, they can ignore the gut feelings and avoid internal awareness which can mean they hide within and from themselves.

Ignoring these feelings leads as a result to secondary feelings of confusion, and shame. That can mean closing off or panic symptoms because any sensory change makes them feel like a “little boat on a big sea”.

The result can be a fear of fear itself.

Fear comes from a primitive response to a threat where escape is difficult, impossible or embarrassing.

Perhaps we’re stuck on motorways, in planes, in meetings or in crowds.

Relief comes not just from external aids such as drugs, but more helpfully from changing how we feel by how we think, or react subconsciously.

Such fear is no respecter of intelligence, creativity, gender or status.

However it does have common threads.

The sufferer’s field of vision is probably inward not outward.

It can cause people to freeze.

Everything can suddenly seem blurry.

Making decisions, even simple ones is hard.

We can feel self-conscious.

Maybe it comes from the need to please others or conform. Perhaps fatigue, repressed emotions, setting the bar too high or too much responsibility.

Some of the feelings can include shame, self-blame, or frustration at being trapped in a repeating cycle.

In all the years, we haven’t made enough progress to break this negative mind/body link.

Psychology can explain  but those primitive parts of the brain don’t switch off so easily.

By being over-vigilant and reacting to inappropriate or misunderstood danger signals, we see danger where there isn’t any.

We become overwhelmed and therefore we dread.

We don’t feel fully alive, our senses work overtime but feel dulled, the body keeps a score.

Language, and the Talking-Cure of therapy is our solution in Anxiety Support Bolton.

By communicating, learning to move back into our inner selves and finding meaning, we can make some sense

In conclusion, We can find our peace.

Anxiety Help Bolton

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Anxiety Help Bolton.

I’ve heard a lot about anxiety and panic attacks. I’ve heard anxious people say “I feel like I’m going mad, like I’m going to die, I feel out of control, I worry about everything”.

It can be constant and therefore they become exhausted.

They also worry that someone will find out.

It can strike out of the blue.

It can prevent travelling.

It can cling on to them.

They feel dread.

Alone.

I know a lot about anxiety and panic attacks because it’s my main focus of work.

Most of all, I know it’s treatable.

I know that Psychiatrists believe up to 30% of the population suffer with anxiety at any one time, that it costs the economy £80 million every year. That it can commonly be found alongside depression.

I also know it isn’t new, but maybe what triggers it is new.

Often the future is where the problem begins. Sometimes it’s society because if we compare ourselves with others and come off worst in social media, it can feel like a competition.

Perhaps it’s a build-up of things that finally reaches a tipping point. Maybe a single life event that maybe brings it on.

Whatever the cause, Anxiety Help Bolton therapy first of all gives you tools to rationalise, a strategy.

Because you’re not alone.

You don’t have to feel the dread.

You can challenge those negative thoughts.

You can learn to recognise patterns in the negative voices

No one should have to spend their days being afraid of being afraid.

Use integrative therapy, drawing from hypnotherapy, counselling, analysis or behavioural methods (such as CBT) to help.

I know that you can learn the coping skills and methods that can bring you back from that exhausting hamster wheel of worry and panic to embrace the life that is waiting for you.

I know as an Anxiety UK therapist that psychotherapy and hypnotherapy can help.

I know this because it happened to me.

For help first of all contact me below.