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Anxiety and you

ANXIETY AND YOU

So why did I decide to specialise in anxiety?

Well, anxiety chose me, not the other way around. As a busy Lawyer, I didn’t see the warning signs on the road to anxiety until all of a sudden… BAM!

Huge panic attack on the first day of a holiday, fear, confusion, feeling isolated and vulnerable, I felt like I was the only person in the world that this was happening to. I had no tools to help me help myself.

Fast forward ten years and I moved from anxiety’s latest victim to hopefully its worst enemy. How did I do this?

I condensed expert personal therapy, countless hours of study, became a therapist, researched and researched into my desire to understand anxiety and how to help others. It led to UKCP accreditation, thousands of hours of dedicated work towards helping people like you, but most importantly it gave me a skill set that really makes a difference.

So what does that mean to you?

It means you’re not alone in this struggle; people have been there before, while your route into anxiety is personal to you, the symptoms of anxiety, generalised anxiety disorder, social anxiety and that spiral of panic are very common to us all.

There are many useful ways to combat anxiety and find your peace, relaxation, CBT, hypnotherapy, reframing, behavioural methods and various forms of psychotherapy can all look at the causes and help move you forward.

You are not alone, I have been there and I have moved on.

You can move on with the right answers and methods. Therapy isn’t a magic wand, it’s sometimes hard work but the therapist collaborating with you as the client is the key to making that progress.

Whether anxiety strikes out of the blue or is a familiar part of your life when that feeling of dread, the fear of fear comes over you, you can use some of the resources posted on my last blog to help in the short term.

I find that with clients in my treatment room, learning about anxiety is a major part of the process and so I decided to put some of that knowledge out here to help you.

In the next blog, I will talk in more detail about therapy methods and how they work, but more importantly about how they can help you. Whether face to face or by online therapy, the more you understand, the more tools you have to combat anxiety.

I hope you’ll join me

Stuart

15 Motivation Essentials

15 MOTIVATION ESSENTIALS

Motivation can be overcomplicated very easily, but in therapy we shouldn’t underestimate its importance. Here I’ll try and break down what you need to know and leave out what you don’t to make things easier.

  1. WHAT IS MOTIVATION?

The simplest definition is that motivation explains your behaviour, it’s why you do what you do, why you want what you want and why you need what you need.

  1. WHY DO I NEED IT?

Because it’s part of a cycle of achievement, if you want results then motivation is not optional. The more motivation you have in therapy, the better.

  1. INTERNAL MOTIVATION

As the name suggests, this comes from within you. What do you love doing? Do you remember how you used to play as a child with no reward other than the sheer enjoyment of the process? Think about your ‘Me-time’ and that’s internal (or intrinsic) motivation right there. It’s as unique as you are and tends to be lasting.

  1. EXTERNAL MOTIVATION

This can be the carrot or the stick, for example money or punishment, and it’s the opposite of internal motivation because there is a (desired or undesired) outcome.  In therapy this could be someone who wants to change something because there is a reward for doing that or a drawback for not doing it. In other words they don’t want to do it just for themselves.

  1. DIRECTION IN MOTIVATION

Really important is where you are going; are you moving away from pain, or towards pleasure? If it’s a little of both, that tends to work best in the therapy room. Choice is key here, smokers may think they have no choice but to smoke but can go for a long time without a cigarette on a holiday flight.

  1. PERSISTENCE AND CONTINUING

Can you stick at it? The important thing here is to change the idea that it’s a hardship, of course you may suffer a setback, it’s part of being human. In therapy we don’t see things as linear or so black and white, it isn’t snakes and ladders after all! If you can learn to be gentle with yourself and remember why you were doing it, and what your motivation is you can get back on track.

  1. FAR BEYOND DRIVEN

We’ve all seen intensity and we know what it looks like, but intensity can be daunting and it can also be turned down by turning down the difficulty level. How do you see yourself? Letting go of the labels you may have given yourself makes it easier to move on from that old version of you

  1. I THINK THEREFORE I CAN

Guiding behaviour through goals (literally, in the case of sportsmen) therapy helps you to visualise an outcome and then build the psychological architecture to succeed. This is very powerful at a subconscious level and represents a tool that you can use for your own results.

  1. TAKING SMALL STEPS

By taking small steps and checking off the simplest milestones on your list towards your desired result, you build encouragement and therefore motivation. Do you know you can do it? Have you done something similar before?

  1. FOLLOW THE LEADER

Do you know someone else who has done it? Seeing others succeed before you can build motivation and help you to get where you want to be.

  1. COME ON, YOU CAN DO IT!

Do you have a champion of your cause? Is there someone in your corner that can support your efforts and encourage you along the way to change?

  1. YOUR BELIEFS AND ATTITUDES CAN HELP YOU

Your beliefs, emotions and behaviours can all help here; having a strong belief is a big step in making your change.  Do you have one habit that you can use as proof that you can form a new and more beneficial habit?

  1. SURVIVOR NOT VICTIM

You may have had hardships and it may feel like you are the victim of events that conspired against you, but you’re still here. Seeing those challenges as having strengthened you because you got through them rather than weakened you and made you more vulnerable changes your perspective and can increase motivation.   

  1. OWN YOUR GOAL

When you take ownership of a deeply held goal, you build subconscious motivation and you bring the subconscious into the process. Your subconscious is a powerful tool for change and ally in the process; it’s yours, so use it.

  1. SPREAD THE WORD

We can all increase motivation if we understand it, nobody else’s aim will be exactly the same as yours, it isn’t a contest, so spread the good news about motivation and see the benefits multiply.

 

Stuart Cale is the founder of Talking-Cure, a bespoke Psychotherapy and Hypnotherapy practice specialising in anxiety, stress management and self-esteem.

 

 

Therapy for jealousy

Jealousy can feel like we are losing our hold

Therapy for jealousy and emotional issues. These can be helped by individual therapy in a safe and supportive setting

Jealousy, something (often secretly) familiar to many of us. Jealousy and Envy (yes, they are different things, envy occurs when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by someone else and jealousy when something we already possess is threatened by a third person) can both be very intense feelings that in turn can easily dominate aspects of our lives. Another problem is that they can be as hard to shift as they are to deal with, and often are not talked about or discussed.

Jealousy can destroy love, and it’s rare to find someone who hasn’t been touched by the classic signs of jealousy such as lack of trust, fear of losing someone we love, or anger at attention paid to others. When it comes, that intensity of emotion can render rational thinking impossible and even cause behaviours in the sufferer that drive people away and reinforce the self-fulfilling prophecy.

The emotional content of jealousy is complex, abandonment, loss, fear, sorrow, humiliation, betrayal; the list is long and infamous. Even violence can make an unwelcome appearance where jealousy is concerned, and it can be as irrational as it is damaging, Steven Stosny, a psychologist says, “The formula for jealousy, is an insecure person times an insecure relationship” and goes on to point out that it isn’t just sexual jealousy at play, sometimes children or any kind of friendship that diverts attention from the sufferer can be a problem.

With origins based in our far-distant evolution, perhaps to protect intimate relationships, in our current lives where we may change partners several times in the course of a lifetime, jealousy can become a painful burden. The feeling of inadequacy makes it seem a particularly poignant and difficult burden.

So, what can be done? Well, like many things, communication is often at the root of the solution, jealousy is often something we deny in ourselves so just recognising and acknowledging it are also important steps. It’s often too personal and complex for a list of self-help suggestions as seem to be so common in our culture that demands quick fixes. Jealousy isn’t something we can cast off like an unwanted coat when spring comes, it’s a treatment process, and moving beyond jealousy is a skill that often takes a little time to learn.

Having said that, as is so often the case, people can travel through life with often debilitating levels of jealousy, accepting that as their fate. Surely, if you’re affected, it’s worth taking some steps now to hopefully improve the quality of life and relationships still to come…?