Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence?

What is it and how do we improve it?

We are all unique, all of our personalities are different and we have differing wants and needs. 

Some people have the ability to make you feel at ease as soon as you meet them, in any situation, either social or professional.

Others, not so much. 

Who are the people who we’re inclined to feel at ease with, and who we find ourselves gravitating toward?

They tend to be people with a great deal of emotional  intelligence.

Emotional intelligence (EI), regarded as being more important than IQ, is a complex quality. However, it can be learned.

EI is key to relating well to others; awareness of your own actions and feelings and how they affect others.

It definitely helps you to go through life more easily than someone who is quick to anger, gets upset or refuses to view themselves honestly.

Emotional Intelligence is

The ability to identify and therefore understand your emotions

Knowing how to manage your emotions in a positive way in order to

  • relieve stress
  • communicate effectively
  • diffuse conflicts

The ability to recognise what others are experiencing emotionally. It therefore allows you to understand and manage relationships effectively.

A process that, although non-verbal, will inform your thinking and influence how you connect.

There are several elements that define emotional intelligence:

Self Awareness

Being honest with yourself and acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses.

Understand your own emotions and therefore trust your intuition.

Be in control yourself rather than controlled by your feelings. 

Self Regulation 

Be able to control your emotions and consequently resist being impulsive.

People who self-regulate will think before acting,  don’t jump in with both feet and learn how to say no.


Learning how to identify the wants and needs of others is especially relevant . People with empathy don’t rush to judge or stereotype.

Be able to recognise the feelings of others helps relationship skills.


A high level of motivation leads to being productive, effective, hence able to enjoy life’s challenges.  

Social Skills

People with strong social skills are easy to talk to. People with good social skills find the building and maintaining of relationships easy and pleasurable.

They are keen to develop others and view a team achievement as more important than their own individual success.

How can you improve your Emotional Intelligence?

Pay attention to your emotions, they are valid. Learn to recognise them.

When you make decisions, integrate your emotions into the process.

Be present. Be here.  Don’t plan ahead or look behind.

Be aware of your body language and the signals you send others.


Happiness comes in so many different guises that its really difficult to pin down exactly what makes up happy.

Unhappiness, well we know this immediately. We know what it looks and feels like. We know when it has us in it’s grasp.

Studies show that happiness has little to do with our own life circumstances. This is because happiness is mainly under our control. We synthesise it ourselves. So we either create it or we don’t.

Happiness is a product of our outlook on life.

Happiness – Learn What Makes You Happy

Discovering what works for you is of the utmost importance! Making happiness for yourself is good for your health as well as your performance in all areas of life. 

Here are just a few points, they may seem glaringly obvious but it’s surprising how much difference each one can make to our general happiness.

Exercise (I know I’ve been here before but it’s so important!) 

Movement, even a ten minute walk, lifts the mood and reduces anxiety, it is good for your head as well as your body.   

Maintaining your personal values.

Heeding your moral compass and standing your ground, in all of your relationships will therefore prevent feelings of regret and dissatisfaction.

Don’t worry about things beyond your controlThere is a huge difference between being informed about/understanding world events and worrying about them. 

Sleeping wellThe restorative power of sleep is well documented. We all know how lacklustre we feel if we don’t have enough sleep. 

When you’re asleep your brain literally detoxes and  recharges itself after the day’s activities. 

Not making sleep a priority means stress hormone levels rise and energy, motivation and memory all reduce. 

Improve your emotional intelligence.

Happy people do tend to have emotional intelligence as part of their skill set. Here’s a great link showing the importance of EI. 

Believe in the future.

Collect happiness memories but don’t fall into the trap of magnifying past pleasures so much that the present feels poor. Don’t lose faith in the promise of the future, you can out perform past experiences and as a result be happier.

Believe that the best is yet to come.